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Top 10 Cards You Left Hanging – Riley Ranks

Don’t try to lie to me. I know you don’t treat your cards with respect. You imprison them in plastic sleeves – sometimes more than one – store them in dark boxes, away from basic essentials like light, food and water. You see them as tools, mere game pieces that exist only for your edification. You know what? They’re more than that. They are living, breathing entities, with hopes and dreams, goals and ambitions – and all some of them ever wanted was a high-five from you. And you couldn’t even give them that? Shame on you. It ends today – today, you’ll face those you’ve spurned, those who you have made to feel foolish, those cards you left hanging.

 

 

Header - 10. Entomb

Entomb

 

Wow – imagine leaving someone hanging until they died, and then have them be so desperate for a high-five that they get buried like this. Committed to the earth, still awaiting that sweet release as they decay and decompose, forever cursed to be left hanging unto eternity. You monster. 

 

Header - 9. Grateful Apparition

Grateful Apparition

 

Guess what? You’re not getting away with this one! You left this lady hanging and now she’s back from beyond the grave, ooooooOOOOOOOooooo, to get some skin. We all know ghosts linger on the mortal plane until their unfinished business is resolved – you better hope that this high-five does the trick, or she’ll be haunting you for a long time. And guess what – you deserve it. 

 

Header - 8. Crater's Claws

Crater's Claws

 

Uh-oh. You left the wrong person hanging here, my friend. They are going to get that high-five off you if they have to turn you into a smoking pile of cinders and ashes to do so. You should have just given it to ’em up top when they asked, because now it’s about to get a little bit toasty for you, bucko. 

 

Header - 7. Ghostly Touch

Ghostly Touch

 

Thought you could leave him hanging? Think again. He’s going to get the high-five he is owed, whether it takes a small army of ghostly fingers to wrest it from your unwilling hands. “Geists wish to make themselves known”? No – geists wish to make it known that they don’t like it when you’re rude and leave a guy in a sweet hat hanging, so they are coming for you

 

Header - 6. Forest Bear

Forest Bear

 

Wow, this guy doesn’t just want five – he wants the full high ten. You know what? This time, there’s no judgment for leaving him hanging. My mother always taught me not to high-five angry woodland creatures, especially ones with claws that could rip your throat out, so leaving old mate hanging here was probably the right call. There’s good reason he isn’t even one of the best grizzly bears around.

 

Header - 5. Barbed Foliage

Barbed Foliage

 

Now this is entirely uncalled for. This dude wanted to give you a sick high-five from horseback – imagine how cool that would be! And your response is to summon a bunch of thorny vines and wrap him up in them, tearing him to shreds and probably scaring the living daylights out of the poor horse. Shameful.

 

Header - 4. Druid's Deliverance

Druid's Deliverance

 

You left this Druid hanging for so long that she had to construct herself some horrific plant-based simulacrum of life, purely so she wouldn’t look foolish when you refused to give her a high five. What did she do to deserve such scorn from you, to be driven to such lengths? Disgraceful.

 

Header - 3. Deflecting Palm

Deflecting Palm

 

How is this an appropriate response to asking for a high five? Just punching their hand? This is worse than leaving them hanging! You deserve to have your knuckles explode out of your fist for such rudeness, my friend. You can see the hurt and the dejection in her face – all she wanted was a high five, you tried to punch her, and now you need complicated reconstructive surgery. Serves you right. 

 

Header - 2. Benevolent Bodyguard

Benevolent Bodyguard

 

Are you kidding me? This guy is about to give his life for you, he’s sacrificing himself that you may live on, and you’re still not going to give him some skin? There is a literal arrow sticking out of his chest, he is likely moments away from death, and he has but two desires as the life seeps out of him – firstly, to keep you from harm, and secondly, to feel your hand slap against his, one last time, a final salute to his bravery. And this is how you repay him. What’s wrong with you? 

 

Header - 1. Shuko

Shuko

 

Actually, you know what? Yeah. Probably for the best to leave ’em hanging, here. 

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